Taking a Breath

Inhale deeply

Feeling my lungs move outward against my ribs, my back

Exhale slowly, pulling in my stomach, pushing the breath out my nostrils.

This morning I can feel my breath. The life in my body, the moment as I experience it. My mind isn't grappling with projects and problems; those are muted and set aside for when I want to look at them. I slept over eight hours last night and I feel good this morning. The cold that I've been fighting the last two weeks seems to finally be on its way out. It is Saturday – my day to do with what I will.

I can look back over the last month and see how engulfed I have been by this transition I've made to working full time. Trying to figure out the parameters of my job, trying to figure out how to retain some order in my home world – both have taken so much energy. And yet, I find my Self engaged in life. It feels like I am working parts of my brain that were going back to sleep. I'm feeling expanded and still a bit off balance – but that's the way growth is. It reminds of my daughter when she grew four inches over the course of a couple of years. It took awhile to feel graceful in that body – she had to get use to new muscles, new height. And so it is with me. Not everything is grace and light at the moment – but I sense – I know - that I have grown.

I want to connect with my friends and family.
I want to embrace and be held by my husband.
I want to spend time with my kids.
I want to exercise and do my yoga practice.
I want to cook comfort food.
I want to sit on my porch in front of a crackling fire.
I want to write.
I want to go put my garden to bed.
I want to play Christmas carols.
I want to make homemade gifts.
I want to start prepping for Thanksgiving.
I want a long weekend to spend with my nieces and nephews down in northern California.

And even if I can't make all of those 'wants' happen, I'm happy to know that they exist within me – that these wants have a voice in my heart and mind.