Paper done, vacation coming

I finished off my paper last night - this twenty one page dissertation on me and my thinking. It certainly wasn't the easiest thing to put together.

And its done. Is it a creative, flowing manuscript where one can hear my voice resonating through each belief and challenge? Is it a scripted and rote rehash that checks everything off the list that was needed to be there? Will it challenge anyone's thinking? Is it dry and dense? And my answer to all of the above questions - which I say with true and heartfelt compassion - is that I really don't care. It is what it is. This is what emerged for me out of this assignment. It is what my thinking was at that moment in time.

There was a lovely sense of integration - I do have to admit to that. I had to really allow my intellectual "knowing" to filter down into my body and spirit. How do I hold all the learning that we have gotten? What has deepened my relationship with therapy or my clients? What will I never reference again?

In honor of finishing my paper - and while still thinking about that last question - I went to my overflowing bookshelf and pulled off all the books that I will never read - or read again. I think my mentee will enjoy not having to purchase the book on narrative therapy. I even like narrative therapy - my own version of it. Tactics of Change, Whitaker, Relationship Triangles, Evaluation and Treatment of Marital Conflict - just to name a few more that are heading off my shelves.

Taking the books off felt like my first true step towards endgame. There was something about finishing that paper that has changed my focus. Now its time to start gathering notes and flashcards for studying. Time to get rid of all that I don't need in order to make room for what I do need.

And with a vacation coming up this Friday, I can't think of a more perfect way to bookmark this moment, this pause for breath before I start swimming again.