Sunday on the Water

I’m the only one awake on the boat. It’s just after six and I’ve made a small pot of coffee. Sitting up in the pilothouse, I’m looking west and watching the sky lighten into the soft pinks and blues of what may be an exceptionally beautiful day up here at Roche Harbor.

For the first time that I remember, my world did not fall away as I stepped on the boat. I’ve been thinking about school and clients. Mulling over dynamics and patterns; possible interventions. Books to be read and just how many drug names do we need to memorize for our test in August. There’s a difference though – something I wasn’t feeling three months ago.

I’m feeling happy.

Instead of being completely overwhelmed and having this odd deer-in-the-headlights feeling – I have this odd settling sensation that is hard to describe. It’s kind of new for me and I think there is actually a word that goes with the feeling – I’m just not use to feeling it within. I’m use to projecting it – but not really feeling it.

The word is confidence.

Not a ton of it – but enough that I’m feeling it at a foundational level. Enough that I am feeling some internal peace of mind.

Okay, so back to the boat.
We put the hammock up on the fly bridge yesterday. The sun was shining, live music drifting down from the cafe up at the resort. We are tied up on the very end of one of the newer docks, bow facing out towards the harbor with an unobstructed view of sunset. S. has her best buddy along with us – two eleven year old girls having a grand time wandering the resort – swimming, kayaking, and – yes – window shopping for things they can’t afford. (who would have thought I gave birth to a shopper?)
Our son and one of his best friends since fifth grade taught us –again – how to play Texas hold 'em last night. My little card shark. Still trying to take over the world, one chip at a time. He had the girls in stitches.

A. and I held hands as we walked the docks just before sunset. He asked me if I’m happy. I paused to really listen inside. Oh yes, I’m happy. Working hard, juggling family, school and work. And feeling the deepest gratitude and joy in my heart for the abundance in my life. I’ll contemplate that while laying in the hammock this afternoon.