Difficult Conversations

I gave a small training workshop yesterday for the small doctor's office I was writing about. The training itself went really well – very helpful and professional, I was told. My stage fright of the night before dissolved as I started to talk. Mainly, I think, because I love talking about this kind of stuff. 'Difficult Conversations' is actually a communication model and book that we studied in grad school. So bringing it forward to a whole new group of people was fun. Yeah, it was actually fun! We talked and people asked questions and brought up situations that we used to identify different components of the model with.

There were some important learnings for me while doing this – things I need to do upfront with the client about (she who sponsored me into the system) to get really clear on the parameters of my work and in what shape that will take. Good stuff that I could only get through the experience of doing. It was like learning a whole new vocabulary for that corner of thoughts in my head. Hmmm – that might not make a lot of sense, but I know that I often have to experience something in order to understand how to do it. And there was new wisdom gained as well as the validation that I did a great job. J Plus it didn't hurt to stand up there and talk about something that excites me – and bill them for two full hour at my full rate.

The irony of course is that I had to reframe a difficult conversation with the client in order to take in that learning. I felt the pull of having certain feedback define the whole experience – which was a pitfall that I had just been talking about. I had to pull out all the skills with her – mainly because she had just had some stunning personal news and those emotions were leaking into our conversation about what she did and didn't want me to do. It felt like the universe's way of saying – okay, you just taught this – now, can you do it? Can you have a learning conversation, recognize your contribution, untangle intention and impact, acknowledge the other and collaborate to find a solution? Why yes, you can. Good job. Now go have a glass of wine.

Yeah, there is still a little part of me that hates showing up as a novice in anyway. Damn it. I feel that shadow of embarrassment. And what is lovely for me right now is that I can acknowledge where that reaction arises from and hold onto the joy of having done something new. I am holding to being an open learner and allowing that humble imperfection and curiosity to be welcome. How different that is. I am continually amazed at how much has changed over the past few years.