Roadtrip to California

It has been a whirlwind week of family and friends; children, babies and memories. Events and thoughts collide – information, stories and concerns swell and form layers of experiences that I still want to tease apart and savor. I don't think I've done this much socializing in such a small amount of time in years. Each visit was important – each person important to me. And I wanted a week with each – time to sit and talk. About them. About me. Our lives and how much has changed. How silly to have forgotten that all of these friends and families have small children that govern their worlds.

Now is not the time in their lives where the luxury of long relaxing talks exist. I remember. Seeing all these beautiful little children brings back memories – that seem to belong to another lifetime. I was asked many times – as I held my 6 week old niece for instance – 'don't you just want another one?' (They weren't serious, were they?) It was wonderful to grin widely, laugh and shudder with horror at the thought. No, birthing any more children is the farthest thing from my mind and it was pure revenge to gaze at these old friends – and family members – and tell them how much I am enjoying my independence from my maternal role.

I was so young when I began the parenting journey. On this particular trip I also happened to have my oldest two children with me for most of the vacation. At 21 and 19, my two kids are adults. They are out of the nest working towards their own futures and passions and goals. This trip was wonderful birth control for them. Beautiful, healthy and happy babies are a lot of work. J For me, I look at these children of mine and realize that I have already spent twenty one years as a parent – with six more to go with one child still living with me. I have spent the bulk of my adult years raising children – a career that rewards by paying out money, not earning it. The investment has never been a question in my mind. I have loved being a mother and yet, now, I am happy to shed that primary distinction and allow the rest of me to be more present on my life stage. All of the people that we saw who now are currently working through the early years of raising children – all of these friends and family members were along for the ride with us as we mucked our way through those years. Many of our peers had a hard time relating to our choice to be such young parents – let alone get married at 21. And so, while I can empathize with the lifestyle changes that children bring into our lives, I am really happy to be looking at Fifty without kids in the house.

It will be fun to watch all of these children grow up. Because I understand the difficulties involved, I also know that if we want to be part of these lives – we have to go to them for the next few years. I am home now – the morning after returning to my house – and I sit in the quiet, listening to the birds with a cup of coffee, planning out how I am going to spend my day. And yet, one thing I have come home with is a sense of community – the desire to reconnect and spend time with people that I love.