Dance of the Landlords

My triangulated relationship between Landlord and sublandlord is finally drawing to a close. Meeting with the Landlord and beginning the process for me to take over the lease on the office on Monday was a good move on my part. I haven't written too much about the drama of the last couple of weeks just because it has been making me gnash my teeth. Talk about pushing my buttons.

And all of that murky mess is receding behind me. The space is basically mine - my furniture is going in and paint will be put up this weekend.

But here's the thought that's running through my mind: what the hell am I doing with an office? Okay, okay - deep breath - but really? Is this what I want? What is it that I think having an office means? Does it mean a full time job - no. Does it mean that I will pay back my start up costs this year? God, I wish, but I doubt it.

It's a bit scary hanging a shingle (another cost) and then trying to draw the clients to me. The irony hardly escapes me that I am going to have to market myself as a therapist; as a person who can actually help someone else find their grounding. Everytime another issue came up with the landlord and my sublease, I wondered whether this was the universe's way of testing my commitment - or the universe telling me that now is not the time to be doing this. I've been asking myself that question the whole time - trying to draw the answer from deep within my soul. And when I hold the vision in my head of what I want my practice to look like - there is no question that I want to do this. But it is on my terms, not someone else's.

I'm willing to invest in this career - I'm willing to try. I just keep hoping that as the Dance of the landlords fades and I am no longer sitting in this tenuous situation - that I will feel more able to actually move forward instead of just treading water.