Limits

I bowed out of the class I've been helping facilitate. There are two weeks left and it was the one thing on my schedule that could give.

I'm worried about S. and feel that she has had a lot to deal with having me in school the last two years. Being gone in the evenings is too much - I need my "ear to the ground" so to speak in regards to her health and life rhythms. I'm tired and not juggling everything very well and I'm not going to have her be the one who takes the brunt of that. My internship can take the brunt of that.
So - what happens? The lead counselor calls in sick and I ended up running the group alone last night. It was actually nice to find out about it last minute - no time to stress. With a few helpful hints from my supervisor, it turned into an interesting evening. I simply sat the parents in a circle and let them check in for about forty five minutes. It was fascinating to hear how much fallout their children's formal offense had created within the bureacracy of the schools. And it was even better to hear how much these parents were advocating for their kids - fighting for them against the 'stupid administrators' or 'the system'. A common enemy creates a coalition. In the long run, those kids need to learn how to manage their own relationship with schools, bosses, etc. as well as take responsibility for their own actions - but for now, I can imagine that having a parent on their side is nice.

It was just interesting to sit in the dilemma of schooling children - from a parent's perspective as well as from the school's perspective. They don't mesh seamlessly and, for the most part, these kids in the class are not being given a break for making some relatively small mistakes. Something is - well - wrong - with the current systems of rules and procedures. And it is probably the best that can be expected with so many cuts in educational funding. It just strikes me as probably one of the most significant places in society that we could make such a fundemental difference in the growth of a human being.

And I know that this isn't always true - some kids break the molds and find success in amazing ways. Some schools actively try and support their kids. I also understand why our schools have zero tolerance policies. The shadow of Columbine clings to every public institution. The plethora of drugs available is staggering. I would simply like to see some room for mistakes and a positive way to encourage kids to make healthy choices without vilifing them in the process. I know too many school administrators to not also understand how much compassion and commitment exists on the other side of this conversation. So many people are doing the best they can.

In the end, I listened as the parents opened up. They shared their situations and found common threads in each others stories. I heard parts of my own story raising children and it was heartening to be able to support this small group of parents as they continue to seek out resources and guidance for their children. In the end, I shared with them that I was not going to be back the next two sessions because - well - I needed to be a parent. As much as I enjoy spending my Tuesday evenings in Bothell (everyone laughed), I needed to make my daughter's health a priority right now. One mother nodded and said, 'it's all about priorities, isn't it?'

Yes it is.