Christmas morning

I am finally sitting here with my family sprawled around the room - including the puppy - and there's nothing I have to do. This Christmas turned in to a little more work then I had wanted. The number of people coming Christmas Eve kept changing until I was cooking for twenty. I had to double all the recipes that I had so carefully prepped earlier in the week. My in laws decided last minute to drive up from Oregon. My brother in law's sister was here; oldest daughter invited her high school art teacher; my other step sister came with her boyfriend. The more the merrier, yes this is true. However, when it involves my FOO - including my in-laws - everything gets a bit more interesting.

Interesting isn't exactly the right word.

Sunday night I had to sit back and take a few deep breaths in order to figure out what had gotten so out of control that I was ready to scream or cry - or do both. I let the feelings wash over me and asked myself - NOT what I was reacting to - but what emotional response was being raised within by the various family members just being who they always are. It's different. I'm specifically talking about my in-laws. They love us so dearly, they want to share their wisdom because they care. They aren't trying to drive me crazy - so its my reaction that I had to figure out. What place was I taken to in response to the way they move in relationship with others?

That was eye opening. And when I began to piece it together I felt something ease in my body. It literally felt like an unhooking. There are still things that drive me crazy - but I could deal so much better with it in the moment.

By the time everyone arrived Christmas Eve, chaos had been roped back in and I even had a chance to take a walk with Sam. A. and I were well prepared for any of the usual family dynamics that ensue at family gatherings and plus, we had a puppy to distract over half of the crowd. We slept in today and then came together for a small moment in time before family once again came knocking on the door. But now it's late morning and everyone other than the five of us are here. I'm in my pajamas and slippers, I've had quality play time with Sam and get to simply relax.

Christmas always brings new family stories - memories that make us laugh or shake our heads. Memories that are precious like when my niece and nephew call me 'aunt Jenny' and then sit and tell me all about their latest exploits (I LOVE those little voices). Precious like when my daughter makes coffee first thing in the morning for me or my other daughter gives me a card that tells me how much she loves me. Treasured memories as I carefully hold my grandmother's olive dish and remember having her with us. When A. holds me close and we make eye contact and we quietly wish each other a merry Christmas. That is what i get to hold onto now.

I hope that those of you who read this blog have had a happy holiday. Time spent with loved ones; memories that bring joy; and a few long pauses to savor the joy and abundance that we presently have in our lives.