My first class lecture

I signed on to help with my agency's drug and alcohol class. Teenagers and their parents come - some required, some recommended - for eight weeks of learning on the subject of addiction and the effects thereof. Two weeks ago, the guy running the class (a new chemical dependency counselor with our agency) told me that I was going to facilitate the class this week. The subject? family health. When I asked him how he wanted me to spin the subject, he just waved his hand and said - oh, you get to figure that out - do whatever you want. I asked again - do you want healthy family or what happens to healthy families when bad things happen? And he told me that no, no, it was up to me to take the topic "healthy families" and run with it. (He had had his own supervision that day with our clinical supervisor and I could guess where that directive had come from).

I only bring this up as a small piece of framing for what I decided to do. Because I haven't been impressed by this guy, I was not surprised to walk in to the agency last night prior to the class and have him hand me a manual and tell me exactly how he would run this class. He kept talking about scapegoats, lost children, all the pieces of what happens when addiction hits a family - and I just listened until he finished and told him that that was not what I had prepared.

Unlike This Guy (that's his name now in the blog) - I'm a therapist, not a chemical dependency practitioner. So I built a nice little presentation based on what I know healthy family systems are. Healthy families as a subject is a great topic - but it doesn't mean that I had built my presentation around dysfunction. (Which This Guy says does not exist - dysfunction that is - which is another subject for another time).

Why am I not impressed with This Guy? He is someone who says he loves doing group work - and sucks at it. Sorry, but its the truth. He lectures without connecting to his audience. When he does ask questions, he doesn't acknowledge what the person has said, instead he simply uses it to tell another one of his own stories. You know that kind of person? They ask you how your day is and you offer up an answer but its like they aren't listening at all and then, without acknowledging what you did just say - they tell you ALL about their day? This Guy does that in a hundred different ways. He also will state things as facts that I completely disagree with and I just look at him and think to myself - where in the world did you learn that? Ah - the family therapy class he had to take for a quarter at the community college. Okay, that was a bit snarky, but he said it first. "I learned in my therapy class...."

Last night, both the kids and parents were together for me to present to. I think it went pretty well. Unlike This Guy, I wasn't sitting there telling those kids that they were screwed up, undeveloped brained beings who were unable to think deeply about anything other than the next meal. (His ideas about brain development leave so much out). I presented the Healthy Family of Minuchin - stressed, conflicted, having arguments, going through transitions with a good dose of resiliency and adaptability. I love that way of looking at family or group health. It's how we manage the next step and I also added in a heavy dose of recognizing each family member as unique individuals with their own point of views. (Yeah to differentiation!) It's hard work raising functioning adults - we have to accept that they are young adults and no longer little children.

Anyway, I was pleased, I enjoyed the kids and parents - they had some fun with the activities and got to leave a few minutes early. I shared with them my one goal: to provoke some thinking around their own family dynamics as a way to build awareness. A small moment to chew on what goes into those stressful moments that make family life more difficult. What does a parent bring to that moment and what does a teenager bring forward? And how can they look at each other as different beings and start asking questions before they start telling each other how to live their lives. I wonder if This Guy heard that. Somehow I don't think so.

Co-facilitating is like co therapy: It would be great fun to do this with someone that I felt like I was on the same planet with. I can see what this might have looked like working with some of my own peeps - the energy would have been crackling and fun.

Ah... the learning continues....