Leaving on a jet plane

I'm taking J. to the airport early tomorrow morning. She's leaving for college and today it hit me that its going to be tough to watch her walk away. Her dad's traveling with her this first time around. We've packed boxes and bought extra shampoo. We shoveled out her room this morning locating socks and jackets and a brand new pair of tennis shoes. And although she has been practically humming with energy to get going - this morning she felt the scariness of the step into the unknown.
J. isn't my first child to head out into the world. Going to college is hardly complete adulthood - its a netherworld that is neither childhood nor adulthood (at least when your parents are paying the tuition and housing bills). And yet, she's going so far away, this brazen amazon child of mine. She who wears the armor of youthful arrogance and kick ass-ness.
We keep joking that people are acting like she's leaving forever - like she's dying - and in some ways its true. Our relationship will shift irrevocably with this transition. And even though I celebrate the joy of seeing such a capable being fly for the first time - I can't help but grieve what is now departing. My life will shift with her lack of presence in the home of her childhood. I don't have to ever let go of my baby girl - those images and memories will stay with me. I just get to also watch this glorious creature that is my daughter head into her own future and welcome the moments that she chooses to share her life with me.