Soma

I am aware of my body right now - the low grade anxiety that has been with me on and off all week - interspersed with a few moments of high anxiety. And I wonder just what happens to me - my body and spirit - when this kind of stress enters my system. I've known intellectually the link between stress and body - but I feel amazingly in touch with it right now.

I'm so very aware of how I am struggling to maintain some differentiation from my family of origin. The emotional system gets shaken and boundaries disappear. My maintenance of self in relationship to other is suddenly bombarded with needs, wants - almost demands to form an enmeshed front. It's so weird to feel it happening. Thank god (and my grad school) for helping me build the awareness of what is happening. It still feels sticky, like a thick mud that I have to keep pulling my feet out of - but I'm aware.

I'm trying hard to breathe, to find my equilibrium and focus on what I need to do right now. Breathe and start studying, breathe and sit with clients, breathe and deal with my immediate family's needs and feelings. Breathe and get two kids ready to head out the door for college, breathe and handle the last couple weeks of summer with my youngest child, breathe while my husband deals with his own stress and concerns. Breathe in and out, reach out towards support and reach in for grounding.
Breathe.
And again...
one more time...
that feels better...