Rumors

I suppose that there were rumors and gossip that circulated throughout each of my children's classes. I heard many things – from my kids and from other parents – and somehow I simply took it in as information that was possible, most likely not accurate and ignored it because it rarely connected in with one of my kids. That isn't true with my youngest – she dared to do find out what it meant to kiss a boy that she liked and made the mistake of telling someone that she thought was her best friend. This best friend told a group of kids and decided the story wasn't good enough and embellished it with details that turned something sweet into something damaging.

Damaging to her reputation.

Apparently kissing a boy when you aren't officially dating equates out to being labeled a slut and a whore. Yeah, you heard me. Now, maybe this younger generation throws certain words around with a lot less energy because if half the parents who are talking about my daughter in whispers behind my back knew what their kids were saying and doing, I'm sure there would be a collective heart attack. The fact that judgments have been made and no one has had the nerve to talk to me about it – pisses me off. It disappoints me because there are some people that I expected better behavior from.

She's taking it in stride. She's finding out who her friends are – what friendship is – and how to handle peer pressure. I can tell that it hurts, that she struggles not to take it in and feel the shame that certain people want her to feel about something that she didn't do. It's confusing and yet she doesn't regret the moment of having a crush at fourteen and getting to have her first kiss. Good for her.

Watching children learn hard lessons is, well, hard. There is a piece here for me in that I've learned that my parenting has come into question because other parents believe what they've heard from their gossiping children. I have to sit back, take a deep breath and ask myself why it matters what someone else thinks. It certainly doesn't change how I plan to proceed as a parent. Unlike many of these other parents, I have the distinct discomfort of hearing the truth from my daughter. She'd rather hand me the unvarnished truth and watch me squirm. She knows that we don't always agree and that sometimes she stumbles but we are building trust of which she must do her part to maintain. I will continue to hope that she'll live a smart, healthy life and have a high degree of self-respect along with a big dose of good judgment. The fact that she's having to learn lessons about these hopes tells me that she's a person who is stepping out into her own life and testing the waters. Test away, baby. Do it now while you are still at home, still not driving. As a woman, if you learn now to demand respect – awesome. If you learn now the difference between being a good friend and having a good friendship – more power to you.

We still live in a society that has a narrow definition of what a 'good girl' is. I don't want my daughters to be 'good girls'. I want them to be empowered women and strong, loving, happy individuals. Empowerment isn't what our daughters learn in Middle School – the lessons are about fitting in and what group you belong to. I want my girls to belong to themselves and have the blessings of great friendships that celebrate differences instead of insisting that everyone fit into the same mold. I want my daughters to trust what they know is their own truth – just as I trust in my ability to be a 'good enough parent' in this moment.

It is still damn irritating.