Welcome to December: Winter is coming – the season of introspection
If my life is a sailboat coasting over the waves, I have a sense of some thing that keeps wanting to drag me to a stop. It's like a current that I am going against while desperately trying to blow wind into my sails. If I stop generating the breeze – will the sails fall still? If I stop trying so hard and the boat drifts to a stop – what will I hear? Will I notice a breeze from another direction? Will I contemplate the strength of the current that I am trying to run against? Will I realize that if I switch directions and reset the sails – that I will fly across the water with a big grin on my face?
The problem with trying to make anything work – is that if it feels draining chances are it isn't going to be what works best for me. I keep thinking that it is me who is somehow faulty – my energy levels, my motivation, my abilities that are not enough to make my current career choice work. I make it about the boat – not what I am trying to do with the boat.
What a revelation.
What I know is true in this moment is – I will enjoy walking with my father this afternoon. I will enjoy making turkey orzo soup with the rest of my thanksgiving leftovers. I will play Christmas carols and start figuring out how much homemade jam I need to make for gifts.
And I will let the sails luff.
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