I know that I am not alone in this experience of transition. What is unique - of course - is my own way of moving through it. And it's not really all that comfortable.
What do I want to do?
Who am I right now? How do I ground myself so that I can listen to my inner most spirit of being?
Feeling rudderless isn't very comfortable for me - it brings up all sorts of old stories, old voices and old ways to survive. I pull away from myself, push the scared, vulnerable parts down. And then I wonder why I'm having trouble breathing.
Obviously, right here in this moment, I'm treading water and breathing and feeling. The clarity that I have tells me to go inwards and seek my own sense of self. My desire to be outside is part of that - to sit in the silence of the natural world. My other need to connect with those that are close to my heart has resulted in a wonderful week of planned 'dates' with more to come.
That's all the clarity that I need. I don't have to be clear on what I want to be doing a week, month, or year from now. Giving myself permission to slow down helps break this cranky mood I've been in.
And so, to honor my own need for solitude and nature - I'm going to go up to my boat for the weekend. I'll walk Washington Park, rain or shine; sit out on Eagle point and gaze over Rosario Straight, listening to the gentle break of waves on the rocks.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
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2 comments:
Going on the boat, getting in nature, and honoring the "funk" it all sounds lovely~ I'm glad to hear you are taking care of your needs. B~
I'd like to clarify that in my previous comment "honoring the funk" might have been better put as " honoring your cranky mood". After I posted it I thought...."honoring the funk" made sense to me...AND sounds a bit weird...lol.
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